The Humorous Dragon

After seeing the Dragon in action for a while now, I'm struck by its remarkable sense of humor. Time after time it converts my sentences to language that makes sense, in a way, but is at the same time terribly wrong. It seems to have little trouble understanding big or otherwise complicated words; it's those little connectors that give it the most trouble. As I mentioned previously, I have a bad habit of not only slurring my words but inventing contractions that don't exist naturally in the language. For example, shoulda woulda coulda are three contractions, of sorts, that I would never use in my writing, but which sometimes creep into my spoken language. Years ago, a coworker enjoyed ridiculing my contractions—if they can be called that—of this type. His favorite was yeah but; every time he heard this come out of my mouth he would immediately respond with a series of staccato bursts of yibbit yibbit yibbit. His constant mockery eventually had a chilling effect on our professional relationship, but it's a good example of the sort of syllabic pottage that characterizes my speech.

I'm making the effort to correct misinterpreted words and phrases, but this is no simple task. It's time consuming, and worse, requires me to listen to my own monotonous dictation. There's a stilted, robotic quality to it; it issues forth in globs, like mayonnaise after a week in the summer sun.

Here's an actual poem, offered as proof of the Dragon's wry sense of humor.

Recalcitrant cabins

Your fragrance transports me

To the place of my birth.

Unmitigated monkey shines

Reveal the lost her of quaking turpentine.

Spontaneous rainbow

Pizza satisfies my loss

I crave absorption

And pancakes for dessert.

Seafood and lodging the commune

15 steps forward, and one in reverse.

Caffeinated name can prove

Deriving in the rain

Obliterated dolphins

Behold the mustard stain.

See what I mean? It makes absolutely no sense. Whoever heard of recalcitrant cabins? Here's the same poem as it was dictated.

Recalcitrant cabbage

Your fragrance transports me

To the place of my birth.

Unmitigated monkey shines

Reveal the luster of quaking turpentine.

Spontaneous rainbow

Pizza satisfies my lust

I crave absorption

And pancakes for dessert.

Seafood and lodging become you

Fifteen steps forward, and one in reverse.

Caffeinated nincompoop

Driving in the rain

Obliterated dolphins

Behold the mustard stain.

As you can see, the Dragon needs more training. I'm working on it.