An Easter Story

Jack had been delivering eggs for 16 years, and maybe that was a contributing factor. Doing the same thing day in and day out, over and over, with no vacations would be enough to crack anyone. In Jack's case the tipping point came on the night before Easter, which is how he lost his job and wound up on the wrong side of the penitentiary wall.

For most of the rabbits employed by Huevos Inc., distributing colorful eggs to all the good boys and girls on Easter morning was a joyful event. It was well worth the double shift, and braving the cold weather that always seemed to come at that time of year. But for Jack, it had long ceased to be a source of satisfaction, much less joy. Jack was angry. He was angry at the cheerful colored eggs, and angry at the squeals of joy from the children on Easter morning as they discovered the bright treasures. So, on one particularly cold and dreary April night, Jack decided to do something about it.

Everyone agreed it had to be an inside job, because it takes time to make tiny holes in both ends of several million eggs so the insides can be blown out. It takes time to fill every egg with petroleum jelly and seal the shells so no one notices the tampering. And it would have taken more than one or two tankers to haul that quantity of yolks and whites to the obscure Pacific island where the reeking mess was discovered several weeks later. But no one else ever came forward, and those who were questioned said they didn't know Jack. No one admitted any knowledge of the despicable deed, and so Jack alone was put on trial, and convicted of conspiracy, and sentenced to three consecutive life terms in a federal facility.

Almost no one remembers the event anymore. Most of those who were children at the time are too old, now, to be sure if the eggs they found on that sunny Easter morning so many years ago were anything but wholesome, and delicious. A few say they ate one of Jack's eggs, but those are generally the same people who claim to be a king, or a princess. As for Jack, it was officially reported that he died in prison, remorseless to the end, although some continue to believe he was exchanged for a political prisoner during the first year of his incarceration. Some say he's planning to ruin Easter again this year.