The Ketchup Seed of Faith

One of these things is not like the othersYou know the mustard seed. Its compactness is legendary, and especially if faith is among your goals in life, the mustard seed's dimensions remain the standard against which all other seeds are judged.

By comparison, the ketchup seed enjoys little notoriety. This may have to do with its tendency toward introversion, which hinders the social interaction so crucial to a well-rounded life, and also causes undue paranoia whenever someone wants to take photos.

Unlike the mustard seed, the ketchup seed is rarely seen in church. Whether this indicates a lack of faith or a different sort of spiritual deficit has long been the subject of debate among theologians and agnostics alike. While most in the former group insist that the ketchup seed's shadowy existence is the result of an unrepentant lifestyle, those in the latter category remain unsure about the difference between ketchup, and catsup.

Despite their obvious differences, the seeds of ketchup and mustard share certain undeniable traits that make it difficult to choose between them in moments of quiet desperation. Details differ, but witnesses typically remain unshakeable in their belief that something enhanced the flavor of their burgers and hot dogs, though most are unable to differentiate between the red and yellow bottles when asked.

Although the mustard seed has the advantage of historical precedent, many observers believe it's the ketchup seed that will ultimately determine who wins the human race. Mustard seeds are fine where mountain-moving is the goal, but offer little solace in everyday life.



  1. Anonymous9:59 PM UTC

    why must everyone forget the relish?

  2. The mayo seed is acknowledged perhaps only in the sacred literature of Buddhism. For example: "May O Lord the Blessed One accept from us these rice-cakes" (Vinaya Texts, translated by Hermann Oldenberg, 1881).

  3. Anonymous3:00 PM UTC

    All this talk of condiments is making me hungry.