All About the Moon

The man in the moon is flat, too. To some, the dark side of the moon is the stuff of folklore, but I take it very seriously. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to understand that the moon has no electricity to speak of, which means there isn't enough light to see what is or isn't there. This would include the moon's backside.

I've never put much stock in all those stories about the Apollo astronauts and their fancy equipment, because everybody knows what happens when you try to use flash through a closed window. All those photons just bounce off the window and come back and hit you in the eye, so those astronauts would have been too blind to see the dark side of the moon anyway. I've seen the kinds of photos you get in that situation, so anyone who says the snapshots turned out okay hasn't done any professional photography.

Some people say the astronauts might have rolled the window down, but I don't believe that, either. They were going pretty fast, so the wind would have been blowing in their faces. You can't see the moon in your viewfinder when the wind is blowing in your face, and I don't think they would have wanted to put on a pair of goggles just so they could take a picture of something dark.

I'll bet the moon is flat, like a saucer. I have some saucers in the kitchen cabinet above the sink, next to the doughnuts, so I know what a saucer looks like. My saucers all have little stickers on them that say they're made in China, and I think that's where the moon was made, too.

Like your friend the dog, every myth has its day, but it's always nighttime on the dark side of the moon.



  1. :)

    So the moon isn't cheese? Well, if it's a saucer, does that mean that it is in a cabinet next to doughnuts? Are the doughnuts forever out of reach??!!
    I think the universe is just a huge cabinet. But it is in a multiverse of a kitchen. :) FOOD!!

  2. Well . . . yes and no. Yes, the moon is in the kitchen cabinet, but I ran out of donuts so no, it isn't next to the donuts. But yes, they are forever out of reach, unless there are more where those came from. (The donuts, not the moon.) You may be right about the huge cabinet, but this kitchen is certainly no multiverse. It's just a kitchen. But yes, there is some food, and no, it isn't cheese. It's peanut butter.

  3. Terrific post, Jeff! Once again, great zinger finale!

  4. Thanks, Craig. I owe it all to the donuts.