When we think about soft and gentle things—the purring of kittens, four-ply toilet tissue, and butterfly sneezes for example—it's easy to forget there's a dark side to everything, and that cuteness doesn't grow on trees.
This sobering truth occurred to me as I was examining a pair of butterfly wings I found among the radishes this morning. At first I was overcome with sadness because there was no butterfly to go along with those beautiful wings, which made me wonder if someone had eaten the butterfly's body, which made me think about donuts.
I love chocolate donuts, so I went back inside and found a whole box of them in the cabinet above the sink, which is a pretty good place to store donuts when you think about it. As the sugar and grease began to take effect, I returned to the vegetable patch to ponder the tragedy of butterflies. I wondered what might cause them to abandon their wings in the first place, and whether they regret it afterward.
Then, with a dull thud, the light came on. Butterflies are always sneezing, and that's why they're forever losing their wings! All over the world the explosive force of butterfly sneezes wreaks havoc, so it's only fair that their wings should be blown off in the process. Devastating hurricanes, spawned by the incessant sneezing of butterflies in Madagascar. Wildfires in California, fanned by the combined exhaust from the mouths of Mexican butterflies. The polar ice cap, melting under the hot breath of sneezing Icelandic butterflies.
Butterfly sneezes aren't cute.