Finding Reverse

Forward is backward. Moving forward is bright and optimistic, while the idea of going backward is leaden by comparison. Backward is heavy with defeatism, and its predictably pessimistic outlook has no place in the sun. Forward is light and happy; backward is simply not.

This way of thinking disgusts me. Running in reverse is sensible and necessary; the fact our brains run backward when we're asleep proves it. For those who require proof on top of proof, I would simply ask what life would be worth if we suddenly found ourselves without the ability to speak in reverse. Even the hardened skeptic has to admit that talking backward is the crucial element when it comes to communicating with the subconscious mind. It's also handy for getting in touch with malevolent, soul-eating entities, but that isn't always the same thing.

I decided to find out what other secret messages might be floating around, so I spent the week reversing every recording I own. Many gigabytes later, I'm pleased to report that I'm now in the somewhat enviable position of having a comprehensive library of reversed speech, music, and video. Naturally, I destroyed the original versions to avoid the temptations of reason and logic that so often sabotage the maverick.

In the best traditions of innovation and discovery, I expect there will be setbacks and frustrations, and even ridicule from the unenlightened savages who've never even tried speaking backward. Finding reverse may not be easy, but then, I'm sure Henry Ford heard that, too.


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