Last weekend's archeological dig turned up more than I could have hoped for. Right here in my own backyard, I unearthed pieces of a mysterious silver platter that converts ordinary sunlight to every scintillating color, and more mysterious still, there is music (!) in the thing. This, I think, is the clearest indication of its intended use as a vessel of communication between Us and Them.
Only an alien intelligence would have the wisdom to design such an elegant device, and only an alien intelligence would possess the foresight to leave it exactly where it ought to be found, at exactly the right moment, by exactly the sort of person suited for the task of communicating such news to the world.
With the help of a few pieces of tape, the shards rested perfectly in the tray of my CD player. This is how I learned of the music and the alien message imbedded in it. The message seemed cryptic at first, but became increasingly meaningful with each replay.
Here's what I've been able to decipher so far.
The reference to Alaska is particularly intriguing in light of the recent election; it confirms the aliens' mastery of space and time. The repeated mention of gloves corroborates it.
The references to glue are more puzzling. While aliens aren't completely above suspicion with their swollen brains and marblelike eyes, sniffing glue does seem a bit out of character when you consider their aviation-safety record at major airports worldwide. More likely, it's simply a good-natured jab at one or more unelectable citizens of our northernmost state.