The Omegastaff—that would be me—is pleased to announce the birth of another new product. In addition to the wearable, wallable Omegastuff you've come to know [sic] and love [sic] during the past week or so, you now have the option of riding into the nearest sunset, moonrise, or oncoming headlights on your very own custom skateboard.
That's right! Through the miracle of modern do-it-now-because-I-need-it manufacturing, you too can thrill to the sound of wind in your ears as you navigate the warehouses and parking lots, then curse as you misjudge the proximity of the lamppost and eat cold concrete with your one remaining tooth!
And yes, of course it's black.
So you don't forget, order before midnight tonight!
Thank you. Thank you very much.