Interdimensional Lawn Ornaments

My God . . . it's full of stars . . . no . . . wait . . . With the summertime barbeque season rapidly approaching from the west, it's a good time to prepare for the unwelcome guests who pop their heads over the fence just as your steak is bursting into flame.

For those slavering, howdy-spouting visitors, nothing says "oh really?" like an interdimensional lawn portal strategically located near your backyard grill. Pesky scroungers are immediately transported to a distant galaxy, where juice from sneaker laces is the preferred alternative to steak sauce.

More than mere ornament, an interdimensional lawn portal is equally useful during the winter months. By simply entering the coordinates of our own sun, you and your loved ones will be instantly conveyed to its warm embrace, even as your neighbors languish in February's frosty grip.



  1. that's no big deal. there's still have a Garghoul Death Cruiser parked on my lawn. I popped the hood and planted petunias.

  2. Right, the bluebook on those old gothic cruisers is appalling, wot?