Names From the Wrong Side of the Street

Who's naming these streets anyway? It would be easy enough to blame road rage for my habit of veering onto one-way streets. It's certainly a deliberate act, and I'm unquestionably angry when oncoming traffic forces me to drive on the sidewalk, but sometimes there's more to offensive driving than might be evident from the police report.

Boredom, for one. I'm driving, I'm yawning, I'm driving, I'm yawning, and all the while I'm forced to read street signs that wouldn't entertain the average two-year-old, let alone someone who hasn't wet his pants in years. Willow Circle? Give me a break. Eagleview Court? Not likely. Sparrows, maybe, at least those that haven't been eaten by rats.

It's tempting to blame municipal government, but a simple lack of candor has caused this problem, and only candor will bring our streets' identities into proper alignment with my needs. While some might shy away from neighborhoods featuring street names such as Rat, or Bubonic, I would welcome their forthright, unpretentious spirit, regardless of how many people might flash their headlights at me along the way. Turning onto Follicle Road from Swollen Terrace, then accelerating toward Eggsack Lane by way of Pipsqueak Boulevard, it would be with the knowledge that the road to anger management is paved with tax dollars, but that doesn't mean we have to settle for boring street names.

I don't think we should use scientific notation for street numbers, though.



  1. You've said so many things here that I didn't know how to express.

    Love your street names, of course.

  2. It's complicated, I know. How to stop the madness without resorting to the violent overthrow of signposts? I don't know. It's complicated.