Inducing Worms

An impedance match made in heaven. At the risk of plagiarizing Yours Truly, no rigorous, systemic analysis of an entire can of worms would be complete without a proper discussion of the principles of induction, which is beyond the scope of this monologue. While worms are only rarely inducted into halls of fame or similarly red-carpeted venues, there are other ways to accomplish social transformation without risking the ire of patent attorneys.

I'm referring, of course, to the new-school methodology of bringing old-fangled mechanical contraptions into lockstep with yesterday's electrical contrivances. Here, the humble transformer comes to mind, lending an air of quasimodern urbanity to the worm conveyor discussed in Craig's patent application.

Clearly, the problem of impedance-matching an invertebrate coiled at the top requires a nontrivial solution; throwing a wrench into the worm's gears causes unwanted sparking, and should be avoided. Instead, an equal but opposite invertebrateby which I mean coiled at the bottominstalled 180 degrees out of phase with his or her wormy partner will cancel uninvited magnetic fields, thus leaving more food for paying guests.



  1. In an odd coincidence, I woke up this morning thinking about red carpets, perhaps having dreamed that every red carpet conceals a series of scales; you see, Hollywood isn't run by Jews but rather by Juice, as in singer/songwriter Juice Newton, who will remain the "Angel of the Morning" as long as no other starlet becomes weightless. In between tabulating celebrity ounces, Juice collects Crystal Rabbitt Dollys for Cash in Alabama (whew), though at the end of the day, It's a Heartache.

  2. Wow. And here I was, poring over a glass of (pardon the reference) OJ while floating the concept of new carpeting to my peers. Coincidences are everywhere this morning, this afternoon, and (as we shall see) well into the night.