Understanding Otto

The sun never sets on Otto's empire, man. Hopping a freight is a fine way to gain multicultural experience, but to fully appreciate the world's history, nothing compares to stowing away aboard a transatlantic flight.

When the plane has reached cruising altitude, I like to first question the captain as he strides up and down the aisle, which is how captains indicate that no one is at the controls. "Who's flying this plane?" is a good place to start, because all copilots are named Otto, giving the captain an opportunity to get at least one answer right, even with his mouth full. Some people think salted nuts are offered only to passengers, but they're not.

If the captain's answer is "Constantinople," it's a clear signal that he's waiting for his ears to pop, leaving the copilot as the only reliable source of historical information. This is how I learned that Otto has been accumulating real estate since 1453, which is even longer than Donald. I also learned that the sun never sets on his empire, so putting the fan on Otto is a pretty good idea. Since Otto is taller than everyone else, the air has a better chance of reaching his subjects when he delivers a speech, or a fiat.

I think Constantine drove an Opel. That's why he lost the war.



  1. Were you working with anagrams of "Constantinople"? One anagram is "no nascent pilot." Another is "Continental ops." And: "Alps contention." &: "No ancient plots."

  2. Staggering in its implications, and stumbling toward High Mysticism. No anagram was consulted in the creation of that monologue.

    It boggles.